Every day there are little nuggets that I don’t want to forget. So I was reading Proverbs 4, yes, I was in a hurry … to begin with. But before I tell you about Prov. 4, I will give a little story …
I have greatly hesitated many times to write the story about 2014 for me, mainly because I get a little overwhelmed by people asking lots of questions, and I also want to protect my family. I and my siblings try to protect my younger nieces and nephews and my mom from being affected by some things, they have enough to deal with. I only ask that reading this you keep that in mind. My mom’s health is not well and she faces so much on her own. And I have avoided throwing my family into a place where they are bombarded with questions that we do not have all the answers too. But I feel drawn to write this so that maybe something I say will help somebody.
So briefly, I was diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer this year, and in the real short version of the story – I am now facing yet another surgery; because of other issues this year, this will be my 4th surgery since April. Yes – it’s grueling and scary. It is a “complicated” situation according to doctors (trust me, Rock Hill and Charlotte surgeons have both been on the case with us – and they are aware our faith is in Jesus Christ to give them direction as well ). We have rode a physical and emotional roller coaster this year; my family has turned into prayer warriors, nurses, doctors, encouragers, taxi drivers, all wrapped up in one, and sometimes we get a little crazy acting – it is because we are tired! We have laughed, groaned, prayed, cried – hysterically, and experienced things that cannot be mentioned – well maybe some day 🙂 – we all know I can’t keep a secret. I will have to tell you about how one of my surgeries was postponed a few hours because of a squirrel (true story). We have moments where we have laughed so hard we cried, and moments where we just cried. And other times we have just looked like a deer in headlights with all the information we have been given. I have dear friends who have prayed, cried and done the same!! I have close people who just call to say “you are going to make it, because God brought me through it”. Some have fed me, listened to me, brought gift blankets and shawls, and just came and sat with me at my home all day just because I was bored and couldn’t leave the house.
But I know, it’s depressing! Right! But it is not that way – all day and every day. For the most part we still work and live life as normal as possible. So this past Sunday my pastor started out his sermon with… “Why are you crying?” And my immediate thought was “I have no idea, AND, it’s really beginning to get on my nerves!!!” Crying does have its purpose – a cleansing of the soul, so to speak. But have you ever noticed that we do stop crying – we do continue on with life – we do make the hard decisions that we face – and bottom line – we do trust that Jesus Christ has “sat down” (there’s Hebrews 12 again) at the right hand of Our Father God (Romans 8:34) interceding for us. So why all the crying? It is because we are afraid, and rightly so being human.
So yesterday I faced another day of decision – and that is normal to my situation, but the whole situation has made absolutely no sense to me all year, but the doctors made a recommendation, another “toughy”. I knew what I needed to do but I was looking for something, some heavenly sign – to help me along. And in this mornings reading Prov. 4: 11-12 in the CEV version it stated “I have shown you the way that makes sense; I have guided you along the right path. Your road won’t be blocked, and you won’t stumble when you run.”
Having Faith and trusting God’s word is tough, and takes a lot of guts, and there are times I fall short. And I could be wrong… but after I read that – I didn’t hear a thundering voice from heaven or flashing sign dropping down from the sky … it clearly stated that he has shown the way that makes sense. I often look for the ‘wow’ factor, or the supernatural – and I love those moments. But for today – I am going to lean hard on His Word in Prov. 4 – when life just makes ‘sense’. Sometimes the answers are neon signs, sometimes they are prayerful good common sense. 👍