Thinking.it.through

At different times in my life I’ve enjoyed writing.  The reason behind my writing is, I am working out what I am thinking on paper.  Ideas, quotes, bible verses, just stuff that I think about gets processed through writing.  I noticed that lately, I have not wanted to write.  And this is unusual for me.  So I have to ask myself why?   Why would I not want to write … Well I think it has to do with the fact that after months of recouping from surgery or chemo or radiation, I’m just too tired to try to figure things out anymore.  I used to love to “think”.  Give me a problem and I can think it through, from every side, every angle.  I loved being a thinker.   But here lately … Not so much!  I am learning that I can’t answer all the big questions in life; I can’t figure out why some things did or did not happen a certain way; I can’t figure out why someone does or doesn’t act a certain way; I can’t figure out the nonsense behind meaningless acts of evil that we see in the news every day.

But God … Well, He is in a category all on His own.  I confess, I have tried to figure Him out too.  And tried, and tried, and tried.  And I cannot.  I know, you’re shaking your head wondering why I would even try to figure out God.   But I was brought up in a world where we talked about God, and Jesus, and praying, and the bible, and the work of the Holy Spirit … a lot!  And it was interesting enough, I wanted to figure it all out.  The stories of God in his great power, and the love of his Son Jesus Christ.  It is beyond what my mind can comprehend.  I guess that is why the scripture says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8.

So have I given up?  Well if you know me, you know I’m way too stubborn for that … However, I am reminded of another verse that says “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.   I may not be able to figure it all out, and think it all through in my head, but I can’t give up on seeking the One who can.   It’s the heart who seeks God … Not the head.

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