At different times in my life I’ve enjoyed writing. The reason behind my writing is, I am working out what I am thinking on paper. Ideas, quotes, bible verses, just stuff that I think about gets processed through writing. I noticed that lately, I have not wanted to write. And this is unusual for me. So I have to ask myself why? Why would I not want to write … Well I think it has to do with the fact that after months of recouping from surgery or chemo or radiation, I’m just too tired to try to figure things out anymore. I used to love to “think”. Give me a problem and I can think it through, from every side, every angle. I loved being a thinker. But here lately … Not so much! I am learning that I can’t answer all the big questions in life; I can’t figure out why some things did or did not happen a certain way; I can’t figure out why someone does or doesn’t act a certain way; I can’t figure out the nonsense behind meaningless acts of evil that we see in the news every day.
But God … Well, He is in a category all on His own. I confess, I have tried to figure Him out too. And tried, and tried, and tried. And I cannot. I know, you’re shaking your head wondering why I would even try to figure out God. But I was brought up in a world where we talked about God, and Jesus, and praying, and the bible, and the work of the Holy Spirit … a lot! And it was interesting enough, I wanted to figure it all out. The stories of God in his great power, and the love of his Son Jesus Christ. It is beyond what my mind can comprehend. I guess that is why the scripture says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8.
So have I given up? Well if you know me, you know I’m way too stubborn for that … However, I am reminded of another verse that says “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13. I may not be able to figure it all out, and think it all through in my head, but I can’t give up on seeking the One who can. It’s the heart who seeks God … Not the head.